All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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