When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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