Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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