He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
