He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I love you. Go after that dick
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
