Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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