Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize