I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The uberlube is also flammable
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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