Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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