That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
