He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
