just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
