I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
