rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
