I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
