That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
