just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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