I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
