I can tuck mytits in my pants
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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