Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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