I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
