Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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