Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
