Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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