Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize