So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize