Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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