They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
