It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
