Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
