your thong is hanging out like whoa
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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