My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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