Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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