Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
