My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My pussy is not your playground.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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