just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
