if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
