gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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