a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
