He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
