I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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