I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
