party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
