I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
