If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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