We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
