Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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