I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
