Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
