I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
