i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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