Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize