There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
