This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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