His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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