remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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