I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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