I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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