She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
