You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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