I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
