why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
