He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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