alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
