I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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