she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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