I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize